“Not everywhere you fit is where you belong.”
A profound statement that most individuals are faced with during their journey of self-discovery. This journey never seems to end, every now and again one has to sit down and evaluate the environment they’re in and the person they have become. Each person gets a chance to do some introspection on oneself. If I were to meet me, am I the person I would be proud of? Would I befriend me if I were to meet me on the streets? Would I have lunch with me? Am I truthful to myself and not pleasing the masses? This journey leaves most individuals confused beyond belief because when one thinks they have found themselves and the crowd they don’t mind being with and have meaningful memories with. This can turn out to be the opposite, where one finds themselves sitting at the barrier asking if I truly belong here.
Some get disconnected from the known social structures, structures that they belong to; they have been part of for ages. One gets to ask God where you want me. What person do you want me to be? Whom should I call friends?
The friends that you have given me turned out not to be part of me anymore or am I not part of them? The known structures such as church feel completely isolated from who I am. Our conversations are no longer in sync, our language seems disconnected. Our thoughts and actions are far apart.
Some say when you grow older you get to cut off a lot of friends and groups.
How true is this statement, if those groups are the very groups that have been part of your growth? These are the same groups that have helped you find yourself, to know who you are. The same groups you discovered during your journey of self-discovery.
Have self-discovery become fictitious to a point that it has no meaning but how one defines, it is the true meaning. Has it become a word that is used without the true knowledge; or is this another parallel reality, which God wants us to walk through. How can one person look for himself or herself every year and understand their true self? Is it an everyday thing? Do we need to ask God every day to give us the wisdom and understanding the unknown? To understand the distorted reality of our being, our journey of truly knowing where we belong.
Are we even meant to belong somewhere? Or are we meant to stand out from the rest?
Is there a selected group that belongs? And the odd pieces of the puzzle who gel (get along) with everyone but do not truly belong to a particular group. Those who don’t really have a “crowd” to chill with, are they truthful to themselves and society? Are they missing something within themselves or are they natural wonders? Individuals who constantly seek adventure, who are easily bored by one set of group, they always feel the need to disconnect from their familiar social structures. They just want to be uncomfortable by meeting new people. They challenge themselves by finding new things and ways of doing things. Some of them are natural loners who enjoy their own company but still feel the need for human interaction. Is their happiness any different from those who are always set with the same group of people, who do the same things every time and even their growth is puzzlingly the same yet different according to them. Are they afraid?
How can the known become so uncomfortable?
Anxieties rise each time the natural wanderers set off on their new journey. This isn’t easy or comfortable because one gets confused, why would God remove me from this structure or am I being paranoid, it’s not God’s way but my crazy self that feels the need to take off. How can my “friends” become distant strangers, those who I easily confided in and have deep meaningful relations with they’ve become distant? How does such a deep bond become so disoriented? There was never any conflict or differences yet the bond seems unnatural. How do the natural wonders cope in such situations?
You look and find the moment you are comfortable you have shifted yet again, and your inner sense screams; be alone.
Can one say this is attachment anxiety? That the natural loners/Wanderers are so scared of relationships that they always feel the need to run away. They run away from all their social structures; family, friends, church, social clubs etc. Every group that once felt like home has become entirely alienated from them. Are they scared of being hurt, that wondering off makes sense and seeking new adventure shields them from being hurt?
Does this adventure have any psychological implications?
Can one say they are suppressing certain emotions? It can be argued that they are scared of being too close to people; they are scared of letting go of themselves. Are they that guarded that the moment one sees their true self they run off to a new structure. Or are they such wanderers that each time they are discovered, they get attached to another group and embrace their new existence.
How do such people survive the jungle of society?
The adventurers tend to be creative, that challenging themselves and constantly being uncomfortable in new structures give them the boost for their new work. Such twisted “unnatural” reality is their source of strength. They find comfort in wondering off and introducing themselves a million times each month. These people are meant for the spotlight yet they shy away from it. Their survival depends on asking their God for answers, to reveal the discomfort that has arisen within their familiar structures. They find ways to curb their anxieties by focusing on themselves in their “world”.
“Natural loners and wonderers get their thrill from the unknown and their world.”
T. Sibiya
My Thoughts, My World 
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