Ignite the fire

The journey

 
A year ago when I wrote a certain article I wasn’t aware that a number of people would relate to it. That the article would speak to them, to a point where some were comfortable to share their experiences. Some articles are taken from real life experiences or what is common amongst us in society.

Why do I write?

A decade ago I was adamant that I was going to be a psychologist, that my gift was to talk people. What God has brought me for in this world was to touch lives, and psychology was one of the fields I loved. A part of me always knew that psychology would somehow limit me to the larger societal sphere I wanna reach out to. I thought, how about I become a social worker, this blazing fire in me to talk to people, to share life experiences, to help people and heal wasn’t dying but fueled up every time I met new faces. How interesting that our lives are connected, that we share similar life experiences.
To ease our pain one needs to talk. To share our joy one needs to talk. The healing I envisioned wasn’t only for the broken souls but also for the happy ones. How truly happy are you?
Writing conflicted with my love for numbers, building models to point where I was confused, I didn’t know what to do. What field to follow, life became less interesting because I had so many interests. I was confused.

Childhood love was rekindled

That little spark that was kept at bay because of the model that was created of me didn’t shine until my second year in varsity. Screw what people think of me, who I am is more important than what people think I am. My family’s fear wasn’t gonna hinder me from becoming who I am. I knew the platform, I knew the space that I can use my gift. This people’s person with such a hard exterior, the don’t dare talk to me exterior but what can I do, this is how God made me. I just knew it. Doubt creeps in because I had never spoken about it. I didn’t even know where to turn, who to talk to or even how to pursue this old flame. Oh boy, I was lost once again, went back to tutoring maths because that world made perfect sense. It was my safe zone, but safety is not who I am. I’m a risk taker, I only think of the consequences once I’ve already embarked on whatever.

Take a leap of faith

“Oh Jesus I need you now, take my hand and lead me through this path. Be upon my feet as I take these huge steps. Be the navigator, may I not be misled by the hype of the moment.”
“Dear Psychology I shall see you when I turn thirty, for now, I need to embark on this journey, I need to see this through. Psychology you’re still my first love but you know I’ve got a billion of interests and this fire cannot be tamed, oh it’s a wild one.”
Media became my major, did it with no hesitation. Even though I was told this isn’t safe, I told them safety isn’t what I’m looking for. Through this leap of faith, I was still lost because I didn’t know exactly where to fall, what exactly I wanna do in this industry.
I love everything, and I can do it all
I knew it then that this wasn’t gonna be easy, this risk wasn’t certain, I didn’t have a clear path. My family asked me what’s my plan, I told them I wanna dominate with content. Content to educate, content to heal, content to talk, content to be shared. I want my work to be on the tip of everyone’s tongue, I want it to shout God is great. This content should be relatable to everyone in society, from my 6 year old little sister in grade 1 to my 13 year old little sister in grade 8, to my 17 year old little brother in grade 12 and not forgetting that one little brother who’s doing his final year in varsity about to embark on workman’s journey. I wanted my aunts and uncles to relate to it, my grandparents to relate to it, this dream was big I didn’t know how to start.

My thoughts, my world

My starting point, let’s see where this takes me. “Oh Lord, here I am once again, lead me, be at my fingertips as I type these words. Be upon my brain as I share my thoughts, my experiences, people’s experiences, what I see and what society encounters on their daily basis. This gift isn’t for me, let it be shared.”
I knew this journey would be hard, I knew it wasn’t an easy road to travel. I knew I’d encounter turmoils upon my journey. What I didn’t anticipate was the suffering, tears and almost every door shut on my face. I didn’t realise that there would be months where I wouldn’t have a cent in my pocket,  but I’ve followed passion. The hunger I endured for three years led me to a state of depression. I was lost.
Four years later I asked; have I been knocking on wrong doors, is there something wrong I did? I listened to my family they said to be safe. Coincidentally the safety was part of my childhood dreams, to educate. Not a bad idea, Let’s see where this journey leads me, how about I be in touch with those I wanna write for. Oh, children’s content was my major drive before all the other billion spheres.

Did I lose my spark?

Did I lose my spark they asked, did I give up too soon I asked. I haven’t written for 5 months because I was scared. Scared of my new journey, the safety they all preached. I spent two months unsettled and angry at myself. Three months of the five not yet fully settled.
I write because I wanna share my voice
I write because I wanna be heard. I write because these tears are blocking my vision. I write because I have to. I knew that I had to touch lives, I knew that I have to talk to people I knew that I have to share similar life experiences, I just knew that I couldn’t be contained in a bubble. I once told my mom that I went to school not to acquire a job title but to extend this knowledge God has given me. I went to school to acquire knowledge of all the billion interests that I have. All I wanna do is to engage with people on all topics, I cannot limit myself. My dad always says; “Kumele uyihluphe if ingqondo yakho.” You need to bother your mind. Basically, you shouldn’t limit yourself, if you do not know something, go out and learn about it. If you know something, don’t think you know it all, find new things about that thing.
Writing is my heaven, I have to write to ignite this fire. I have to write because I cannot just keep quiet. I have to write because I interact with a billion of people. I have to write because I have to be heard.
Find your spark and ignite it.
By T. Sibiya
T-Angelz Creations

 

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