I once read that your family never truly grows with you. As we navigate adulthood, it’s a bittersweet truth that many of us left our families behind between the ages of 14 and 18. During these tumultuous years, they knew us only as the awkward pre-teens and teens whose biggest worries were grades and which university to go to. Back then, the idea of sharing our romantic lives with them was laughable—we were too busy hiding our crushes and tiptoeing around any adult figure who might sniff our secrets.
The Stunted Growth of Family Ties
As we go through life’s various stages, facing challenges that our teenage selves couldn’t even fathom, our families often remain stuck in those early memories of who we were. It’s like they paused a movie halfway through and missed all the plot twists and character development that came later. When we start setting boundaries and asserting our independence, it can feel like pulling teeth. Suddenly, we’re the “distant aunt” or the “black sheep” because we refuse to let them meddle in every aspect of our lives.
The Unpleasant Opinions
Ah, the unsolicited advice and commentary from family members who think they know best. It’s as if they have an entitlement switch that flips the moment you assert your autonomy. They feel free to wade into your personal affairs, offering opinions nobody asked for and judgments that sting. Oh, “entitlement” that’s a blog post on its own, but let’s just say it’s a journey we’ve all had to endure at some point. We tolerate it until we can’t anymore, and then we become the infamous distant relative. The one who no one “knows” what happened for them to be distant, the one everyone questions about their strangeness—that relative.
Cutting the Umbilical Cord
At some point, we must confront our families with the reality that we’ve grown up. The version of us they remember no longer exists. It’s a strange paradox that those who share our DNA often know us the least. They struggle to accept the adults we’ve become, preferring to hold onto that image of us as kids. The constant family calls, the hushed conferences about your “strange” behaviour, and the bafflement at your adult decisions are all symptoms of their refusal to acknowledge your growth. These are held in secret as they discuss how odd you’ve become. How you have chosen to isolate them, not realising these are all boundaries you had to set as you assert your adult self.
They want you to be an adult, but only within the boundaries they set. The minute you step outside those lines, you’re the problem. When you live your truth and break free from their expectations, they start spinning tales of your “distancing.” They fail to realise that their inability to accept your growth creates distance. The umbilical cord should have been cut long ago, but they still hold on.
Moving Forward
So, how do you show your true self without completely isolating from your family? That’s a question for the greatest philosophers. However, here’s what I believe: It’s okay to be called the black sheep, the distant aunt, the rebel. Embracing who you are and living your truth is the crux of growing up. Friends become family, colleagues become lunch buddies, and relationships—old and new—find their rightful places in your life.
Embracing Change
We learn to accept who we are and who others are, cutting out what harms our mental health. If your family refuses to grow with you, it’s okay to leave them behind. Your life is yours to live, and those who don’t fit in will be left out. Let them hold their conferences and discuss your “strange” new behaviour. At the end of the day, your happiness and mental well-being are what matter most. Deal with the past, live in the present, and focus on who you’re becoming.
#BeYou #DoYou #Growth #Happiness #Adulthood #Grace #Gratefulness #Peace
T. Sibiya
My Thoughts, My World 
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